24, and ..

two years,
Two years since I have last written something on here.
I am one who believes that nobody knows what will happen the next day,
Somewhere, some place,
Laughters, cries, newborns and growing old; they are happening on this very day, very moment.
Two years it has been, multiplying 365 to 2.
Many things are different for me now.

Moving to city of London with a job I am passionate about is my greatest achievement so far,
and yet, every gain comes with consequences,
I have lost some as I won.

I was told a story;
A single mum of two in her 40s,
travelling on her own to Turkey.
Just to meet the one she claimed she loves,
She has only just started to pick up Turkish, their culture,
Met only once couple months ago, and she claimed she loves him.

I was confused -
who is she to think that she is the love one for his life,
is this worth her making this trip,
Myself, 20 years much younger than her,
Just like any other person,
has advised her not to make this trip.
It then struck me,
an answer is what she wants.

We all want answers;
it would be great if we know what happens the next day,
foreseeing our future,
knowing what can be avoided in advanced
and where to put in additional effort to get double the return.

I personally believe that some things are better left unanswered,
frustrating, it really is,
the more you are eager to find out,
the more the answers get confused,
the more frustrating it gets.

I have watched Set it up recently,
it was just another chick flick movie,
there was a quote that goes;

"You like because, and you love despite"

There are many things we can all relate to with this quote in our lives,
but how many is there that we swore that we do,
when its otherwise without realising.

I am 24, and we are all different.

Lots of love,
zhiwei x

Starting anew ;

It has been a while since I last updated this blog. As the picture may speak for itself, I have graduated proudly last summer. With a job secured in Oxford, I have then decided to stay in England and move back to Oxford, where I once called my home away from home. 

Being here at this very moment feels like I have gone back in time, familiar streets, familiar shops. I thought moving back to Oxford would make me feel like I am home again but it did not. I have then realised, this was my home three years ago, not anymore, but not.. 

.. yet. 

I have once called here home away from home cause it was the first city I have settled down in, made new friends and went to bed excited for my awaited adventure the very next day. Today, I do not feel the same as I used to before. Honestly, the first couple of weeks were exciting - first job (no doubt, exciting!); supportive and absolutely lovely colleagues at work; first pay cheque etc.

I was told that I was brave for taking such a huge step in life. I did not understand where they were coming from initially. Then it struck me one day, when I finally understood. Having had to start all over again, it feels like being a fresher in uni all over again, except there isn't any Malaysian society or sports clubs to fall back to.

Walking into a restaurant and requesting a table for one; Struggling to finish a loaf of bread before the the use by date; Having had to decide on one choice of food when I wanted other choices as well. These episodes used to bother me so much that it does not anymore.

'It is your first couple of weeks there!' says papa. With that, I believe that things will get better over time. On this very day, it is definitely much easier than the day before.

Right now, I feel like the tip of a pencil, mapping out my journey to an uncertain end point - hoping for the best. Believe it or not, I do quite like it. Just because I know that there are so many possibilities and opportunities that I may or may not have discovered yet, out there for me. It is an exciting yet a lonely journey. Nevertheless, I am blessed every single day, being given such opportunity in life.

For the past couple of years, I used to have trouble deciding where home is - now I know. Malaysia will always be my home.

Lots of Love,
zhi wei x