24, and ..

two years,
Two years since I have last written something on here.
I am one who believes that nobody knows what will happen the next day,
Somewhere, some place,
Laughters, cries, newborns and growing old; they are happening on this very day, very moment.
Two years it has been, multiplying 365 to 2.
Many things are different for me now.

Moving to city of London with a job I am passionate about is my greatest achievement so far,
and yet, every gain comes with consequences,
I have lost some as I won.

I was told a story;
A single mum of two in her 40s,
travelling on her own to Turkey.
Just to meet the one she claimed she loves,
She has only just started to pick up Turkish, their culture,
Met only once couple months ago, and she claimed she loves him.

I was confused -
who is she to think that she is the love one for his life,
is this worth her making this trip,
Myself, 20 years much younger than her,
Just like any other person,
has advised her not to make this trip.
It then struck me,
an answer is what she wants.

We all want answers;
it would be great if we know what happens the next day,
foreseeing our future,
knowing what can be avoided in advanced
and where to put in additional effort to get double the return.

I personally believe that some things are better left unanswered,
frustrating, it really is,
the more you are eager to find out,
the more the answers get confused,
the more frustrating it gets.

I have watched Set it up recently,
it was just another chick flick movie,
there was a quote that goes;

"You like because, and you love despite"

There are many things we can all relate to with this quote in our lives,
but how many is there that we swore that we do,
when its otherwise without realising.

I am 24, and we are all different.

Lots of love,
zhiwei x

Starting anew ;

It has been a while since I last updated this blog. As the picture may speak for itself, I have graduated proudly last summer. With a job secured in Oxford, I have then decided to stay in England and move back to Oxford, where I once called my home away from home. 

Being here at this very moment feels like I have gone back in time, familiar streets, familiar shops. I thought moving back to Oxford would make me feel like I am home again but it did not. I have then realised, this was my home three years ago, not anymore, but not.. 

.. yet. 

I have once called here home away from home cause it was the first city I have settled down in, made new friends and went to bed excited for my awaited adventure the very next day. Today, I do not feel the same as I used to before. Honestly, the first couple of weeks were exciting - first job (no doubt, exciting!); supportive and absolutely lovely colleagues at work; first pay cheque etc.

I was told that I was brave for taking such a huge step in life. I did not understand where they were coming from initially. Then it struck me one day, when I finally understood. Having had to start all over again, it feels like being a fresher in uni all over again, except there isn't any Malaysian society or sports clubs to fall back to.

Walking into a restaurant and requesting a table for one; Struggling to finish a loaf of bread before the the use by date; Having had to decide on one choice of food when I wanted other choices as well. These episodes used to bother me so much that it does not anymore.

'It is your first couple of weeks there!' says papa. With that, I believe that things will get better over time. On this very day, it is definitely much easier than the day before.

Right now, I feel like the tip of a pencil, mapping out my journey to an uncertain end point - hoping for the best. Believe it or not, I do quite like it. Just because I know that there are so many possibilities and opportunities that I may or may not have discovered yet, out there for me. It is an exciting yet a lonely journey. Nevertheless, I am blessed every single day, being given such opportunity in life.

For the past couple of years, I used to have trouble deciding where home is - now I know. Malaysia will always be my home.

Lots of Love,
zhi wei x

Today.

Today, is the day when he told me that he does not think things won't work out anymore. He told me that we should remain friends. Gosh, I should have seen it coming. I should have known. Maybe I was over confident; Maybe I'd thought that things would be different as it was our first huge argument; Or maybe I'd thought he would give us a second chance to work things together. I'd carried all these hopes as if I could foresee the future of us being together. You know when they say don't bring your hopes too high, otherwise you will fall down hard. I was a rebel, I have decided to went against that saying.

I ended up having tears pouring down my cheeks ever so freely. I couldn't hold them back. I didn't know why until I realized that this is what heartbreak feels like. I've never experienced it. It's all brand new to me, and still is. I knew I needed fresh air and I knew that if I were to lie in my bed tearing myself out, I wouldn't stand myself up any easier. I went to Albert Docks for some fresh air.

It was a lovely night. Not too windy, just soothing sea breeze. The view was still breathtaking as ever, but it felt different from the other times when I was there. It was therapeutic this time. The reflections of the lights from the buildings across the sea were swaying from side to side along with the waves; The smell of the ocean water. They all calmed me down. I knew I needed that.

Just when I thought things were disastrous, here comes a lovely staff from the docks. He listened to me and tried his best to make me feel better. He told me that if both sides still love each other, just be together. Simple as that. It was true, but it requires both sides to willing to work together to be together. I don't know why I did not mention that to him, maybe cause I was out of words at that time. You could tell that he was worried that I would do stupid things. He did say please do not jump into the water. Well, of course, that did not come across my mind at all whilst I was there. I just wanted to calm down. He also reminded me that whenever I feel down and helpless, think of my family. That obviously made me cry even more.

I'm grateful to have him with me for the past months, the entire experience with him and that lovely staff (gutted that I didn't get his name). I don't blame him, neither everything else around us. He apologized but I knew that he didn't need to. If I were to blame one thing, I would blame time. For making it feel much shorter than it already was, and for making situation tougher than it already has been.

Things will not be easy for me from now on and I know that it's going to take me a while to decide whether to stay or move on. But, I know from tonight, I will be stronger than before, stronger than yesterday.

And, I know that I'm going to miss him. A lot.

Lots of Love,
zhi wei x

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everybody! 

Sorry for the lack of updates. As a university student, we take our festive breaks very seriously. I have been doing a good job so far. All I did was eat, eat, eat and eat. I've had an amazing break and I'm wrapping it up soon 'cause my assessment is in 3 weeks. 

Introducing: My Food Ventures in London

 

Moving On: Traditional Christmas Meal in Nottingham

Spanish Seafood Feast with white wine

We had a very close White Christmas this year. It snowed quite heavily the very next day.

Last but not least: My Favorites 

I had a simple yet heart warming winter break. Hope you all had as great as mine or even better. I will come back soon with more updates!

Lots of Love,

zhi wei x

Realization.

Hello everybody! 

I'm hiding under my duvet as the air condition is blasting directly towards my feet. Yes, it's cold and it's 3 o'clock in the morning. I'm not sleeping yet. I'm sorry to kill the vibe but I'm not emo. I just want to save all my sleeping for the 13 hours long journey tonight.

It has been a while. Summer has finally come to an end. I really need to get my brains working again. I have been using my heart and emotions a lot this summer. I have seen things I've not seen before. Once again, I've learnt so much and will try my best to make myself better. These are the things you learn only through experiences and the realization is priceless. The moment when you go "Oh, now I know.", you can never buy these.

The Earth is such a small place but it can accommodate so many people. Same goes for a heart, you can collect as many people as you want in it or you can put no one at all; As the amount of people grow on Earth, the harder it gets for the Earth to satisfy everybody's needs. Like wise for a heart. Hence, the world may end up being ugly and it will be so hard for the Earth to be how it used to be anymore. You do not directly do lab works to research on feelings, like how scientists research on the Earth; Nor every explanation published is 100%. Thus, heart breaks. 

Worst thing when this happens? You can never choose who breaks your heart. Personally, I think heart breaks from friendships are way more painful than relationships'. The scariest thing about these heart breaks is that you do not realize that it is coming for you until it really gets you in the end. You will then have to bear all the realization all at once and face the reality with a metallic heart. Sometimes, I really want to walk up to heart breakers & tell them 'I will have a better life without you. Watch me.' But all I need now is time.

Eventually it will come to a point when you can look into mirror and sing..

"I’m stronger than yesterday.

Now it’s nothing but my way.

My loneliness ain't killing me no more.

I’m stronger."

.. while doing that chair dance like Britney Spears 14 years ago. Hahaha good luck!

Sweet dreams world,

zhi wei x

Thanksgiving '13

Hello there!
I haven't doing much lately. It's not that I'm not studying and revising hard, I need to motivate myself more 'cause it's December already and my exams is in a month's time. My friend got me an Advent Calendar for Christmas cause she knew that I haven't had one before. I love it so much, I'm really excited to start it tomorrow. How did y'all celebrated your Thanksgiving Day? I don't know if it's a thing to celebrate Thanksgiving Day in the UK but I didn't and I don't think my friends did as well. But I would like to take this opportunity to be thankful for whatever I have.

I'm thankful that I have families and friends who love me and I know I can depend on whenever and wherever. 

I'm thankful that I am able to have many foods that I really love and I am definitely looking forward to many more.

I'm thankful for everything that I have now, I am appreciating every single one of it and I wouldn't demand for more. 

So much more that I'm thankful of. xx

Have a great weekend! More #throwbacksummer updates to come!

zhi wei x

Home is where the heart is - Pliny the Elder

As you may or may not know, I'm in university now in Liverpool, in my first year doing physiotherapy course. *Throws confetti* I'm going to be frank here, being the only international student in the whole course isn't easy. This is though, what I've always expected and wanted from the moment I've decided to step out from my comfort zone. I do not want to face the same obstacles in life and the same challenges after all these bravery to leave home.

I have made many, many great friends, especially during freshers week. As Liverpool university has only 10% of international students, I have not met many Malaysians. Having to attend courses, joining sports club and living on the same floor with a sea of local people allowed me to have most of my friends locals. I know there's a Malaysian club that I can join, but I'm always missing out on all the events and it's all cause I am always the last person to notice these events. I'm not very attentive in such situations. I promise to go to the next event. Don't get me wrong, I love them locals. They can be the most hilarious and caring people you'll ever meet. But, it does not feel like home. I miss saying Lah and mixing random languages in conversations.

It can get quite lonely sometimes when you're sick of potatoes & chickens and when you want rice with several Chinese dishes for a change, you have no one to contact. I'm staying in a catered university's hall and they serve British foods most of the time and they tried making oriental foods, which I do not like. I love British foods, I even crave for their cereals in the middle of the night. To add-on, I absolutely love that we get full English breakfast with toasts every morning. But it does not have the taste of home. I miss having Roti Canai for supper and Nasi Lemak from the roadsides for breakfasts.

I miss home but I do not regret coming here. Not a single bit.
Remember to visit Raqul Reed today! xx

Sleep well everybody!

zhi wei x