Today.

Today, is the day when he told me that he does not think things won't work out anymore. He told me that we should remain friends. Gosh, I should have seen it coming. I should have known. Maybe I was over confident; Maybe I'd thought that things would be different as it was our first huge argument; Or maybe I'd thought he would give us a second chance to work things together. I'd carried all these hopes as if I could foresee the future of us being together. You know when they say don't bring your hopes too high, otherwise you will fall down hard. I was a rebel, I have decided to went against that saying.

I ended up having tears pouring down my cheeks ever so freely. I couldn't hold them back. I didn't know why until I realized that this is what heartbreak feels like. I've never experienced it. It's all brand new to me, and still is. I knew I needed fresh air and I knew that if I were to lie in my bed tearing myself out, I wouldn't stand myself up any easier. I went to Albert Docks for some fresh air.

It was a lovely night. Not too windy, just soothing sea breeze. The view was still breathtaking as ever, but it felt different from the other times when I was there. It was therapeutic this time. The reflections of the lights from the buildings across the sea were swaying from side to side along with the waves; The smell of the ocean water. They all calmed me down. I knew I needed that.

Just when I thought things were disastrous, here comes a lovely staff from the docks. He listened to me and tried his best to make me feel better. He told me that if both sides still love each other, just be together. Simple as that. It was true, but it requires both sides to willing to work together to be together. I don't know why I did not mention that to him, maybe cause I was out of words at that time. You could tell that he was worried that I would do stupid things. He did say please do not jump into the water. Well, of course, that did not come across my mind at all whilst I was there. I just wanted to calm down. He also reminded me that whenever I feel down and helpless, think of my family. That obviously made me cry even more.

I'm grateful to have him with me for the past months, the entire experience with him and that lovely staff (gutted that I didn't get his name). I don't blame him, neither everything else around us. He apologized but I knew that he didn't need to. If I were to blame one thing, I would blame time. For making it feel much shorter than it already was, and for making situation tougher than it already has been.

Things will not be easy for me from now on and I know that it's going to take me a while to decide whether to stay or move on. But, I know from tonight, I will be stronger than before, stronger than yesterday.

And, I know that I'm going to miss him. A lot.

Lots of Love,
zhi wei x